Washington
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Washington, United States of America 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Rivendell |
| State Flower: | Vagina |
| Official Language: | Elven |
| State Bird: | West: Giant Eagle East: Pterodactyl |
| State Motto: | One Ring to Rule them all,One ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them in the land of Washington where the raincloud shadows lie. |
| Nickname: | That state over in the upper left corner. |
| Governor: | Elrond |
| State Anthem: | Creedence Clearwater's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" |
| Population: | Well, seeing that most of them are immortal it's getting crowded. |
| Standard MPH: | Fast, unless there's a traffic jam. |
| Principal imports: | Suicide, Umbrellas. |
| Principal exports: | Marijuana, Body Bags, Lawyers, Musicians. |
| Principal industries: | Meth Labs, criminal investigations, and loud noise. |
| Fun Fact # 1: | There's a troll under a bridge in Seattle that eats VW bugs (Trolls are common here) |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Starbucks outnumber the citizens three to one. (Lattes cost $3.50 you can get a $3 blow job on aurora avenue.) |
| Fun Fact # 3: | Boogers taste good in one small patch of land. (There's also no gravity in the same area by coincidence) |
Contents |
2004 Goobernatorial Election Crisis
A rossaurian dinosaur nicknamed "Dino Rossi" ran for governor in 2004 and would have won except that it died and was eaten by orcs when trying to pass over the huge and foreboding fire-spewing peaks that separate the dinosaur fields of eastern Baja Canada from the woodsy site of the state's capitol.
Geography and climate
The Western third is covered in trees and ends at the fire spewing mountains of the cascades.
The eastern two-thirds of the state is populated entirely by dinosaurs,[1] except for Yakima, which is a desert town filled with mexicans and wine-drunk vintners, and Spokane, where Mark Foley-West was recently elected mayor.
Massive smoke-covered fire-spewing volcanic peaks separate the woodsy western part of the state from the eastern part. No human has ever been able to cross the "Cascade Curtain". A couple of hobbits are rumored to have once scaled one of the peaks in southern Baja Canada, but the mountain blew up before they could cross the pass.
History
Baja Canada was first found by elves who inhabit the western region of the state. The Dark Lord Sauron later used the eastern side of the state to raise his army of Orcs, Trolls and Balrogs. After losing his ring he went into hiding.
Baja Canada's dinosaur park was built in 1934 as a Big Deal contract thought up in one of FDR's nightmares.
Steven Spielberg's 1993 documentary, Jurassic Park was filmed on the lower slopes of the Cascade Curtain in eastern Baja Canada.
The construction crews then built the 156-lane super-highway that connects Baja Canada with the "bud fields" of British Columbia (that's what they call Canada up there).
Citizens of Bellingham respond
In a heart-wrenching plea on the December 13, 2007 edition of the Colbert Report, Stephen urged residents of Bellingham to help him get Stephen Jr. to return to the US. (It's an indication of just how desperate the proud father had become that Stephen was willing, for the moment, to consider Bellingham part of the US.)
Although most residents of Bellingham are totally stoned by 11:30 pm when the Report airs, they did their best to respond. Stephen had asked them to head toward the border waving salmon to attract young Stephen Jr. from the Vancouver, BC garbage dump where he'd been recently hanging out.
A few actually understood the instructions and did exactly that. Most were confused about what they were supposed to do. They had heard the words "Bellingham," "salmon," and "eagle" and they had heard the hortatory tone in Stephen's voice. Some B-hammers responded by dressing up as eagles, some dressed up as salmon. A few tried to dress up as Stephen, but ran into problems trying to duplicate the neat haircut since the last barber in Bellingham went out of business in 1968.
The B-Hammers ran for the border despite dire warnings from Seattle TV stations that they'd be subjected to "hurricane force winds." They looked to the north and began swinging their offerings in the air or dancing in their costumes. Stephen-Jr-watchers in Vancouver noted that the young bird started to respond by flying south.
Unfortunately, as happens whenever more than ten B-hammers gather in any place, a drum circle soon formed and started pounding out non-rhythmic white-guy "beats." Stephen Jr. wisely headed back to his garbage dump when he heard that.
Politics
- No matter what they say in DC newspapers, Baja Canada is not a matriarchy. It's true that both of its US Senators(and Democrats t' boot), but most voters of the state are happy to send the men-folk off to the House in DC.
- Dinosaur-keepers and non-illegal-immigrant vineyard workers in eastern Baja Canada are allowed to participate in an exercise called "voting" every couple of years. They seem to enjoy it. But vote-counting equipment in King County (where Seattle is) is designed to automatically cast two contrary votes for every ballot submitted from dinosaur-land. This system is activated only for state-wide races. Voters in Spokane are allowed to vote for any closeted Log Cabin Republican that they can find.
- Everyone who runs for the state legislature from Seattle is required to pass a mandated gaydar test administered under contract with City Government (Soviet of Seattle) by sexologist Dan Savage who is also editor of a local alternative weekly called The Stranger.
See also
External Links
Charitable Organizations in Washington
