Winston Churchill
From Wikiality
half man, half bulldog, all hero.
Winston Churchill was a conservative British Prime Minister. In fact, he was the greatest British Prime Minister ever - making him Britain's George W. Bush. Eat that Harold Wilson!
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[edit] Upbringings and What Not
Winston was the son of a columbian turd-miner, and then was put up for adoption. Later Winston was raised by a sea otter and a red sweater (the sea otter was raised by wolves that invented the Volkswagen Beattle, the red sweater was made in textile mills by child laborers in 1889). The sea otter was a good dad, but did not instill a notion of "Bringing Home the Bacon" since when ever Mr. Otter wanted something to eat he just caught some raw oysters, and babys and orphans and baby orphans don't take kindly to oysters. Since Mr. Otter was not much of a dad, the sweater (we don't know her real name) had to provide for the young Winston. The sweater gave good heat in the winter, but could not work. Winston grew up on nothing but mustard packets (his family lived behind a wendys) and only went to a school for fish. This was espicially hard, because class was under water, and Winston had no gills. But Winston overcame this disadvantage and graduated from The Fish Bowl Highschool (or FBH), his father was very proud, because he graduated there himself. Winston later went to college and earned an associates degree in juicitology at Yale. Having no money left, Winston went to work inventing like his mongolian ancestors, and invented Robocop (later a man named Soulja Boy told him to bust that Robocop). This new invention inspired him to right skits for SNL and design Slums. His greatest work would have to be helping Snoop Dog come up with "Fo-Shizzle", hence stopping World War Two. Winston now resides in Bejing, Portugal, and visits his Beach front property in North Dakota.
true story
[edit] World War 2
Churchill led Britain through World War 2, though obviously with the help of the Americans. For some weird reason he wasn't Prime Minister when the war started. But after Neville Chamberlain surrendered to common sense, Winston was asked to step up. And step up he did!
He held off the German Nazis until America could come in to save the day. He led Britain in such memorable battles as the Battle of Britain and the Battle against Dentistry. He also delivered many patriotic speech, in which he urged the British to become shorter, fatter and look more like hairless bulldogs. Naturally the obliged.
[edit] After The War
After the war the ungrateful Brits voted him out of office. This was mainly because he didn't support their new-found hippie ideals, like nationalized health care. But they soon realized their mistake and voted him back in 4 years later. He served admirably, but without a massive war to wage he got bored and took to binge eating.
[edit] Level Of Greatness
He narrowly inched out Margaret Thatcher for the honor of Greatest Prime Minister Ever, mainly because despite all her achievements she is still a girl at the end of the day. For a while it looked like Tony Blair might challenge Churchill for the title. But he's decided to return to his socialist roots and "pull a Chamberlain" instead.
[edit] Factoids
- Thanks to a rare speech impediment Churchill spoke fluent American.
- He served in India, and was so well respected there he even got Gandhi to eat something!
- Winston was good friends with Democrat President Franklin Roosevelt. But it was during a big war, so we'll forgive him.
- Winston never had a girlfriend, he just knew a girl who would get really angry when he said that.
Please add more details so America can better judge Winston Churchill's worthiness.
