You know, I once had a friend who had one leg. He loved to stomp around the house, especially when he was excited about something. He and I loved to bet on the 76ers, and he would be mad as a hatter when we lost our bets. He blamed it on the bookies, on the president (to be fair to politicians, they are to blame for anything that happens under the sun and the moon, even this article) and even on the team. It wasn’t until we learned to read ourselves to death about sports betting that old Stump (not his real name) and I finally became masters at it. Which is why I’m now all over the place offering the absolute best betting tips in the world.
By the way, do you know what I called my friend? Well, I did not call him, because he couldn’t come. Get it?
Oh well, back to list of the finest betting tips in the whole world;
Use your head, you fooking moron
Listen, even if you and your 350 siblings have been fans of the Deflaters, sorry, Patriots, for the last 200 years, you need to take a step back. Think about what your team is up against. Just because your fragile heart can’t stomach the thought of them losing doesn’t mean they won’t. Remember, emotions are bad for you and bad for this country. People like you are hurting America. Emotions lead to quick marriages and even quicker divorces. Or maybe you are looking for a quick divorce from your money. Who knows?
Don’t be lazy
This means, don’t be one of those people who spend their time swinging in a trusty hammock and hoping for the beer fairy to come asking for orders. Get reading! And please don’t read Vanity Fair or In Style (quick fact, I have a fake copy of Vanity Fair with my picture on the cover-it’s a thang of beauty). Those are absolute garbage and are more likely to give you two large cases of nausea. Go to places like Swedish Matchtips.se, which have an avalanche of betting och odds tips – I’m 105% sure you know what that means.
Don’t be a wet blanket
When you lose, accept that you are a loser, that you were not born to win anything, that you are not good at any kind of thing, and all those other things that you are or are not. Listen, someone drops their ball a few too many times, so whether you lose a dollar or a gazillion dollars, nobody really cares, except, of course, the casino god herself. Just move it along. Learn to accept that there are days when you will absolutely suck at sports betting and others when the betting gods have to bow down before the hand of the greatest player that ever lived.
Congratulations for wasting 2 Nanoseconds of your life reading this pile of rubbish, because all you need to bet wisely is Matchtips.se If it’s any consolation, that’s 2 Nanoseconds of your life you definitely won’t get back. Oh, and by the way, good luck learning Swedish in 5 minutes, genius.
Now go and watch the legend, then think about what you’ve accomplished in your own life!