The Clenis

What is the Clenis™?

For some time, the Clenis™ was thought to be a godlike figure. It wasn’t until scientists discovered it when they aimed their telescope to God’s heaven did they see it for the first time.

In fact, the Clenis™ is a constriction of Bill Clinton and penis because it is widely known that Bill Clinton’s penis is so powerful that he used it to satiate every woman’s sexual needs in Arkansas, which led to his landslide win as a governor in 1970.



The Clenis™ was first seen in 1995 by no less than the Communists. However, its existence has been documented some 6,000 years ago, and it is the reason for all kinds of mankind’s misfortune since the beginning of time.

Damage Done Throughout History

Since its discovery, it has been supposed that any misfortune suffered by mankind and several tragedies that have plagued civilizations have been caused by the Clenis™. Here are just some of the events in  the history and the present times that can be attributed to the Clenis™:

Ancient Times

  • Continental drift
  • Dinosaur extinction
  • Great Wall of China cracks
  • The breakup of Korea into North and South
  • Spinx nose fall off
  • The black plague
  • STD

Present Times

  • The French Revolution
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • Hurricane Katrina
  • The Great Depression
  • Bears
  • Creed (the band)
  • Abortion
  • Liberalism
  • Pepto Bismol
  • Fake wrestling
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